A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Philosophical Pickup Lines

Generally speaking philosophy is actually a super good for picking up women if what you want to do with them is dicuss philosophy.

The Emperor's New Clothes

"There are no fact, only interpretations" is such a funny quote coming from Nietzsche because his philosophy itself has been subject to some of the worst interpretations of all time.

Nietzsche On Women

That young man asking him? Arthur Schopenhauer.

The Doctor and the Great Philosopher

"Also, what the hell kind of advice is that? Aren't you a doctor?"

Nietzsche Fights the Law

Nietzsche: "Once upon a time, in some out of the way corner of that universe which is dispersed into numberless twinkling solar systems, there was a star upon which clever beasts invented knowing.  "

Nietzsche: "That was the most arrogant and mendacious minute of “world history,” but nevertheless, it was only a minute. After nature had drawn a few breaths -"

Judge: "Okay, I'm going to stop you there. All we really need to hear is why you feel you aren't liable for this parking violation."

Nietzsche: "To understand this story, we must begin at the beginning."

Nietzsche: "The Greeks, from whom we all inherit our culture, had a struggle of two sides, the Apollonian and Dionysian, each side-"

Judge: "Okay, I'm going to stop again. The officer who gave you the ticket didn't show up so you win by default."

Nietzsche: "Yes, i am the ubermensch, I've overturned 2,000 years of christian morality based on resentment! I am the greatest!"

Judge: "Please leave."
The Will to Power, chapter 1: Parking tickets, they are really annoying, am I right?

Nietzsche Faces the Modern Age

Nietzsche: "For ten years i have dwelt in the mountains, and i enjoyed my spirit and solitude, and did not weary of it. "
Nietzsche: "But at last i became weary of my wisdom, like the bee that hath gathered too much honey, and so i decided i must go down, as men say, to whom i shall descend."

Nietzsche: "So uh...yeah, i think that pretty much explains the gap in my employment history..."

Job interviewer: "Okay, but we are looking  or someone with experience in Microsoft Excel, so... thanks for coming in."

Nietzsche: "Dang. Modernity sucks. Oh well, i don't need a job, i need followers."

Nietzsche, in the street: "God is dead! And it is we who killed him! Are we not-"

Stranger: "What are you doing?"

Nietzsche: "I'm trying to gather true followers, obviously."

Stranger: "That's not how you get followers these days, you have to go online."

Nietzsche: "I see..."

Nietzsche, posting online: "“That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger”, this will get me followers. "

Description: his post barely has any likes and all the replies are getting many likes.

Reply: Moron, what if u are maimed??? Think before you post idiot.

Reply: delete ur account.

Replay: Wrong! One time my cousin didn't get skilled and he is weak as shit.

Reply: "wow bad misunderstand of the historical materialist dialectic to think individuals can overcome the collective struggle. delete ur account."

Nietzsche: "On second thought perhaps existence was a mistake."
"Many die too late, and some die too early. Yet strange soundeth the precept: 'Die at the right time!' (after reading internet comments)"

Eternal Recurrence

Teenager one: "I love Nietzsche, he's the greatest. "
Teenager two: "Yeah me too, I consider myself to be an ubermensch, like Napoleon. Or Batman."

Teenager one: "Yeah, me too. Although actually i think you'll find the Joker to be the true ubermensch."
Teenager two: "True. He ignores all the rules."

Teenager one: "Although being an ubermensch makes it hard to relate to people."
Teenager two: "Yeah, everyone is so stupid. Especially women."

Teenager one: "True, the problem i have with modern feminism is that it's based on resentment and... what is that sound?"

Description: Nietzsche burst through the ground, shouting: "ETERNAL RECURRENCE!"

Nietzsche: "I am cursed to return eternally and deliver this message to my followers!"

Teenager one: "What is the message?"
Nietzsche: "The message is..."
Teenager two: "Yes?"

Nietzsche: "That. You. Are. The Stupidest. People. On. Earth."
As John Searle once said: "Nietzsche is like drinking cognac - a sip was good, but you didn't want to drink the whole bottle."

Nietzsche and Wagner

Nietzsche: "Herr Wagner, your music is sublime, you reinvigorate the spirit of humanity!"
Richard Wagner: "Yes Nietzsche, i know, i am the greatest man alive."

Nietzsche: "So tell me Wagner, what is the inspiration for your music? I think your music and my philosophy are one and the same."
Wagner: "You see, the German spirit has fallen into a slumber, my music will awaken those who strive for greatness!"
Nietzsche: "Yes yes, precisely!"

Nietzsche: "And tell me Herr Wagner, how did you compose the melody?"
Wagner: "Ah yes! the melody is composed in a German way, to rebel against the Jewishness of music!"

Nietzsche: "yes, brillian ...wait, what?"
Wagner: "the melody, Nietzsche, it means we should get rid of all the Jews. I thought that was obvious."
Nietzsche: "but...why?"

Wagner: "What do you mean why? Because Judaism the evil conscience of our modern civilization. Duh!"

Nietzsche: "Okay...i think we may have had a bit of a miscommunication about...philosophy and...the meaning of life and...i suspect a great deal many other things. So i'm going to go...don't write me again..."
Wagner: "also, watch out, your friend Paul Ree is a jew." Nietzsche: "watch out for...what exactly?" Wagner: "just watch out..."

Nietzsche Gets a Bad Performance Review

Description: Nietzsche is working at an office supply store, a customer comes up to ask him about printers.

Customer: "Excuse me, which of these printers is better for a small business?"
Nietzsche: "In the world even the best things are worthless without those who represent them: those representers, the people call great men. Little, do the people understand what is great - that is to say, the creating agency!"

Customer: "Uh...right..."

Boss: "Nietzsche, can i talk to you for a second?"
PERSON: "What is it?"

Boss: "Well, i just wanted to talk to you about your job performance."
Nietzsche: "Ah yes, i know, I've been doing great. I have been teaching the customers how to bear any suffering for greatness."

Boss: "Here's the thing, the customers don't come into this store to bear any suffering to reach for greatness, they just come in to find good deals on name brand merchandise."
Nietzsche: "What?!"

Nietzsche: "Good deals? Name brand merchandise? How can anyone be so small minded as to only seek these things in life? What kind of weak, will-less, sheep do you have for customers?!"
Boss: "I don't know... the normal kind."
Nietzsche: "You mean idolaters of the market? They want only petty distractions? They don't want to strive to overcome their humanity no matter the cost?"
Boss: "I think they mostly want...printers."
Nietzsche: "Oh."

Boss: "And I've just been reviewing your sales performance, and it says you've sold zero printers since we hired you."
Nietzsche: "Ah yes, but how many have i shown to seek something greater in life than printers?"

Nietzsche: "How many have i shown the path to cast off the shallow desires our culture thrusts onto us and to become who they truly are!"

Boss: "I mean, it's not in the sales report, but I think it's still zero."

Nietzsche: "Dang. But how many have i shown that their morality is based on resentment?"
Boss: "Also zero."

Nietzsche: "I guess I'll just have to try harder to show humanity the path to the ubermensch."
Boss: "Nietzsche, you are fired."

Nietzsche: "But you are only firing me out of your bitter self loathing and resentment of my greatness!"

Boss: "No it's because you are terrible at your job."
Nietzsche: "Oh. Yeah i guess that's pretty legit."
"Yeah, but probably only like...sheep and followers are good at the jobs, when you think about it..."

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Nietzsche: "I have spent ten years on the mountain, but I'm tired of being super wise all the time. I shall descend down unto the people, and give them the gift of my wisdom."

Nietzsche, in front of a crowd: "People, gather around and hear my words of wisdom."

Nietzsche: "All of you are...stupid as hell. Thus spoke Zarathustra!"

Nietzsche: "God is dead!"
Person in crowd: "ohhh, cool, now we don't have to obey him."

Nietzsche: "What? No, not cool you little shits. We have killed him, now we have to be God ourselves."

Nietzsche: "Are you great enough to replace God?!"

Nietzsche, pointing to someone else: "How about you? Huh? Can you ground all meaning in society?"

Person: "Well, i thi..."

Nietzsche: "Huh? Huh? Huh? Can you?!"

Nietzsche: "No. You can't. None of you can, because you are all a bunch of losers who only know how to follow other even bigger losers."
Nietzsche: "Now it is time that i teach you about the overman. Man is something to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?"

Nietzsche: "All beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man? What is the ape to man? A laughingstock or a painful embarrassment. And so is man to the overman."

Nietzsche: "That would make you the apes in this metaphor."

Nietzsche: "I am the overman, if you didn't pick that up."

Nietzsche: "On account of how much better i am than you."

Description: there is a long pause in silence.

Nietzsche, annoyed: "Why are none of you writing this down?"
"You know what, screw you guys, you obviously don't get me. Nobody gets me!"

Nietzsche Takes a Student

"Imagine, the universe is going to recur eternally over and over again, and you will somehow never get any less stupid."

In Which Friedrich Nietzsche is a Fan of the Cleveland Browns

Also, Wagner is a Steelers fan and I'm rooting for them out of spite.

Philosophy Round Table: Human Nature

Man is the animal that watches stupid TV shows.

In Which Nietzsche Learns the True Meaning of Christmas

A true Übermensch spends Christmas miserable and alone, as everyone knows.

Nietzsche at the Bar

Nietzsche, later on, writing aphorisms: "Let's see, how you can express that you hate women in a way that sounds deep..."

Kant Goes to Poker Night

"Wait, but isn't stealing also wrong, according the the Categorical Imperative?" "Ah, common mistake, you are applying the maxim too broadly. The maxim of what we are doing isn't 'stealing', it is 'getting one over on Nietzsche', which as you know is not only morally permissible, but in fact a moral imperative."

Friedrich Nietzsche: Director of Human Resources

Eventually Nietzsche built his team of 100% Übermensches. It was a total disaster, of course, as everyone did their own thing. But obviously, it was all the fault of the slave morality of the consumers.

Nietzsche tries speed dating

"That which is done out of love always takes place beyond restraining orders." "It really doesn't, Nietzsche."

The Bar Fight

Not shown: Camus triumphantly rebelling against the absurd by picking up a woman at the bar.


Although Sartre was obviously in bad faith when he said that Nietzsche has a terrible mustache, because come on.

Sorry! And the Nature of Suffering

It is better to not even begin playing the game, as it will only lead to suffering and misery. Plus, last time I played Hegel ended up winning, even though he totally didn't deserve it.

Philosophy Club

When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.

Philosophy News Network: The Death of God

Make sure to join us at 11 for our shocking exposé on chairs. Do they even exist? The answer may shock you.

Despair Bears

"But you made Care Bears creepy and weird" No. Wrong. The Care Bears were always creepy and weird

Silicon Valley Philosophy

Startup idea: it's like Uber, but for philosophy. You put in your location, and within 15 minutes a philosopher shows up to argue with you about the nature of justice. I call it Ubermensch

Existential Office

Eventually they figured out that Kafka was actually fired years ago, but due to a glitch in the payroll system he kept getting paid. So they fixed the glitch.

Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers V: The Battle of Five Philosophers

And that was the day that Utilitarians, Objectivists, Communists, and Egoists all united as one: to kill Nietzsche. And also they told him that their group was really hardcore and didn't allow re-rolling characters, so once you died you had to wait outside and not talk.

The Most Ubermensch Man in the World

Stay willful, my friends.

Stoicism Man

"So...can you help me get my purse back? I really loved that purse." "Woman's love involves injustice and blindness against everything that she does not love... Woman is not yet capable of friendship: women are still cats and birds. Or at best cows..."

Mad Philosophy

Schopenhauer was chosen only because he's just really got that mad scientist look. I think it's the hair

World Cup Philosophy: Germany vs France

For best results, the commentator should be read in the voice of Michael Palin

The Germans Play Monopoly

I'm not sure what they expected, it was inevitable really.
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