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<title>Existential Comics</title>
<link>https://existentialcomics.com</link>
<description>Existential Comics: A comic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also jokes.</description>
<language>en</language>
    <item>
        <title>Mirror Mirror on the Wall</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/667</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/667</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MirrorMirrorontheWall.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Snow White.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Mirror mirror on the wall, does that mean there is an objective standard of beauty?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hmmm...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uhh...yeah sure...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So how did you determine your answer? What is the objective standard that you used to determine this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh you know, she is just the woman most people would think is most beautiful.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;If that were true i don&#39;t even have to kill Snow White, i just have to kill enough people who have the hots for her to tip the scales for me.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? But that&#39;s not objective! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay fine, then it is her pale skin.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s it, pale skin?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah paler the skin, the more beautiful the girl.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;And another thing, there are too many immigrants...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You know...that almost sounds a little racist, mirror on the wall.&#34;

" title="If beauty is determined by just counting up the preferences of the population, then all she really needs to do is breed an army of Orcs with a fetish for domineering older women. A simple, elegant solution.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 10 Aug 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Cinderella&#39;s Dilemma</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/666</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/666</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/CinderellasDilemma.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The glass slipper fits, you are the princess! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;So you will take me away from this life to the palace, where i will be waited on hand and foot in luxery?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Right...so here&#39;s the thing. After the ball, when my coach turned into a pumpkin, i met an interesting man named Eugene Debs.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Of course, my dear, we&#39;ll have servants for everything!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He was handing out pamhlets about something called “socialism”. He claimed a woman of virtue would not wish to rise from her rank, but rise with her rank.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I thought about all those long hours i spent washing floors, doing laundry, making meals. But isn&#39;t that how the working class live all the time? The maids, the servants, the peasants? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;So long story short,  i&#39;ve organized the peasants into a revolt. Also, the mice are Maoists now.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Cinderelly, Cinderelly, sweep away the old world order, Cinerelly.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hang the king!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Kill the priests!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Shoot the bourgeoisie!&#34;

" title="You ever notice how Disney tends not to make their Princesses communist revolutionaries? What&#39;s the deal with that? Come on.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 03 Aug 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Postmodernist Side of the Force</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/665</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/665</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/ThePostmodernistSideoftheForce.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Do NOT underestimate the Dark Side of the Force! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;You will fall, just like, wait...the what now?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;It is you who underestimate the power of the postmodernist side of the force!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The Postmodernist force.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I&#39;ve been reading a lot of French philosophy lately. Essentially they claim that we&#39;ve lost any ability to conceptualize the world in simple terms like “light” and “dark”.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The postmodern force wielder has the power to recognizes our fractured society can no longer believe that one single meta narrative will overcome all others, and save us.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay, so how would you defeat me?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, we can also  shoot fireballs.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What...?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;My defeat neither aids nor prevents mankind&#39;s ultimate destiny, because history is progressing towards nothing in particular.&#34;

" title="How the new Star Wars should have ended, honestly.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 27 Jul 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Quintus Sextius Chooses Philosophy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/664</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/664</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/QuintusSextiusChoosesPhilosophy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Quintus Sextius, you are a wise philosopher, become a Senator and get involved in politics! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Influence in politics is temporary, ideas are what really help shape the world.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;If you say so.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, Caesar, politics is no place for a philosopher, i can do more good teaching virtue.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;...which is why we should never eat meat! Humanity has enough sustenance without resorting to cruelty. The act of violence and crueuty not only causes suffereint, bet conditions the soul to be cruel. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;A Triump? What is that?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In this way, eating meat harms both the animal, and the hum-&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh damn, sorry Sextius, Caesar&#39;s Triump is starting, we&#39;ve gotta go!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh, you know, when they throw him a huge party celebrating how he killed a million Gauls or whatever, everyone loves it!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What...?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Shit...maybe i should have gotten involved in politics.&#34;

" title="To be clear I&#39;m not making fun of vegans, I&#39;m making fun of people who stay out of politics while a power mad politician normalizes cruelty in society.">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 20 Jul 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Marcus Aurelius: Philosopher King</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/663</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/663</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MarcusAureliusPhilosopherKing.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The romans are too strong, we must bargain with them. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;But their king is called the philosopher king, beware, he is wise...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wise Marcus Aurelius, we come to make peace.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We will pay you ten thousands pieces of silver to leave us to our lands.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What are your terms?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You are fools! Land and silver mean nothing.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Virtue is all that matters, and the true life of riches is to live a life of the mind.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You can&#39;t learn real virtue living the life of a king! I will imprison you, giving you the chance to prove you are a true master of stoicism.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In fact, Zeno, the great stoic, learned his virtue in a prison.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Fine, then i will trade you all of our virtue.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Hmm, that&#39;s a good point, but what do i get in return?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, i&#39;ll have to give up all my virtue, and live in pure vice.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What a fool, i&#39;m going to have so much virtue by the end of this!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Deal!&#34;

" title="A lot of people say virtue is &#34;worth&#34; more than money and land etc, but rarely do people put their money where their mouth is and do a straight up trade.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 13 Jul 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Referee Philosophy</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/662</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/662</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/RefereePhilosophy.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;And it looks like the ref is calling it offsides, after VAR review. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;This idiot ref thinks this technology can determine things as they really are, but even its results are funneled through the structure of our minds!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Not only that, Kant, but he falses surrenders his freedom to the machine, even though he has ultimate authority, and responsibility! It is bad faith.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;True, Sartre.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Plus, who gave this ref authority anyway? In an anarchist society all authority would be rejected, and decisions would be made through community consensus.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly, Bakunin, one man has authority over millions of fans who disagree! How is that fair?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What about you, Marx, how does your critique of capitalism work into this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Are the refs corrupted by the financial interesting of wanting popular teams to win?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Do we need to seize the means of football?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Guys, chill out, it was clearly offsides.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Marx has fallen to Revisionism!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Maybe you guys should think less about the game, and more about why philosophers never get invited to watch parties.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He intends to take referee authority for himself, for the “people”!&#34;

" title="I&#39;m actually in favor of Bakunin here, where soccer rules, and even the immediate enforcement of the rules, are governed by some kind of direct democracy. So if the crowd boos the red card, they just take it away.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Foucault Psychoanalyzed</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/661</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/661</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/FoucaultPsychoanalyzed.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;So, Monsieur Foucault, what problems are you having? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;I feel increasingly like i am trapped in the embedded power structures of larger society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I begin to worry that the advent of reason itself is only an intensification of the tools of oppression, which penetrates every aspect of society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Interesting...say more about that.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The very way to we come to understand knowledge, sexuality, and even the human subject itself is the result of the structural power of society!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I see, i think i know what is wrong with you.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What is it, Doctor?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I have it all right here in my notes.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! That&#39;s all you wrote? Fine, but i&#39;ll have you know i will write a devastating structural critique of psychoanalysis!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sounds like a pretty gay thing to do, but whatever...&#34;

" title="To be fair, structural critiques of power mechanisms in society are pretty French and Gay, which you think about it.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 29 Jun 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>At the Existentialist Cafe</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/660</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/660</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AttheExistentialistCafe.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;What to order? Each choice we make defines who we are. Am i the kind of man who orders avocado toast? Am i doomed to forever be that man? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;But Kierkegaard, before we decide that we must decide the crucial question: should i have a cup of coffee, or should i kill myself.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;...well?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Fine. And for you Sartre?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I will have a cup of coffee.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The problem with menus is that they represent a false set of choices. It is an illusion that contrains our freedom.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I will exercise my radical freedom and.......order off menu! I will have Eggs Benedict!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We can&#39;t make that.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You can&#39;t, or you choose not to?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Both. Kierkegaard, have you decided yet?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;How can i? I know i will regret it either way. Avocado or no avocado, both lead to despair!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Despair!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Despair!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;God, i hate this job.&#34;

" title="de Beauvior, offscreen: &#34;In order to leave the waiter a tip, you must authentically endorse the practice of tipping. Which I don&#39;t, if that wasn&#39;t clear.&#34;
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 22 Jun 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Plato&#39;s Iliad</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/659</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/659</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PlatosIlliad.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Don&#39;t go!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, I must face him...or he&#39;ll say i wussed out.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

PERSON: &#34;I challenge you, Hector, to the ultimate contest between men.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Gladly!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;A debate on the nature of justice!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I accept! In my view, justice is each getting what is owed to him.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Interesting, say more.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t get it, young Aristotle, why is no one coming to my rewrite of Homer&#39;s Illiad?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Look, i love it...but i think your message of “we should solve things with rational debate, not violence” just isn&#39;t exciting enough.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, then we&#39;ll just have to FORCE people to watch it.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Force them how?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Through the use of violence!&#34;

" title="God damn poets, writing interesting things that people like!
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 15 Jun 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Batman&#39;s Dilemma</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/658</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/658</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/BatmansDilemma.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Well well well...Batman, you were clever to discover my plans, but i&#39;ve laid a little philosophical trap for you... &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Enough of your games, Riddler!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s not what i mean, Batman. I mean before taking action in the world you must first justify your own existence.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, i&#39;ve captured these innocent citizens, but to free them you must answer me this: why not just kill yourself instead?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I&#39;ll never give up, Riddler!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You define yourself purely through abstract concepts like justice, and what you do for others, but there is nothing in the center to ground its meaning.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Who is the Batman? And why does he deserve to exist? What gives substance to his being outside of these external adventures?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, Batman? Can you justify your own existence?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;God damn Riddler, bring me another scotch, Alfred.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Certainly, Sir, here it is. May i inquire what happened to the innocent citizens?&#34;

" title="Seriously though why is Batman doing all this? Pretty weird thing to do bro. Maybe introspect a little, use your money to help the poor instead of building Bat Rocket Launchers or whatever. Be normal.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Despair Factory</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/657</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/657</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/DespairFactory1.png">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Tue, 02 Jun 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Schopenhauer: Supervillain or Totally Right About Everything?</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/656</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/656</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/SchopenhauerSupervillainorTotallyRightAboutEverything.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Finally, i, Arthur Schopenhauer have gathered the five infinity rocks, which are similar but for copyright reasons distinct from any Marvel concept. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Everyone? That can&#39;t be right, what is your justification?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I will tell you!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So what will you do, destroy half of humanity?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Half? are you kidding me, Bronze man? I will kill everyone, obviously.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You see, i have calculated everything to the finest degree, as the world&#39;s greatest philosopher, and i have come to the the stunning conclusion that...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yeah i mean, life obviously sucks, so we should all just die, i thought everyone knew that.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But life is good sometimes.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly, thus proving beyond any doubt that life is shit, and there is nothing we can do about it.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Just don&#39;t kill everyone!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Really? You are enjoying life?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I mean, not so much right now, because i&#39;m pretty anxious about the end of the world. &#34;

" title="Try to improve society so people enjoy their lives? I think you&#39;ll find that&#39;s actually impossible, on account of structure of existence itself. Also I don&#39;t care for women.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 25 May 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Tech Bros Utopia</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/655</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/655</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TechBrosUtopia.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;200 years in the future, silicon valley has finally created their ideal utopia... &#34;

PERSON: &#34;We&#39;ve done it, we&#39;ve made a society completely run by the entrepenuers.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Let&#39;s ask the computer.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Computer, why is everyone still miserable?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sure, let me answer that for you: you see, in this society a small number of people own everything - while the rest toil in poverty without jobs, money, or any meaningful ability to impact society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But everyone is still miserable, i don&#39;t get it!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I see, so what you are saying is we just have to eliminate the poor. Computer, instanciate “skynet” protocol. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Great observation! You are right - i&#39;ll get on that right away.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t get it, we eliminated the poor, but that just made us poor! What happened computer?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I told you bro.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Shut up, ghost of Karl Marx.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I fuckin&#39; told you. You should have listened!&#34;

" title="Surely a society of all narcissistic tech bros whose only talent is talking people into giving them money would be ideal, right guys? Right?
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 18 May 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>The Asteroid and the Meaning of Life</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/654</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/654</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheAstroidandtheMeaningofLife1.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Gentlemen, i have terrible news. We have discovered an astroid is headed straight towards Earth, and will exterminate the human race. I have brought together the world&#39;s smartest philosophers to save humanity. We have 36 hours. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;It can&#39;t be done! it isn&#39;t enough time!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Up until now humanity has just fought wars, accumulated money, eaten snacks, argued about nonsense, and done weird sex with each other. But there must be something more to life!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;It is your sacred task to discover why any of this was worth it before we all die. I suggest you get to work.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Maybe something to do with God?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Shut up Kierkegaard, no one belives in God anymore! It probably has to do freedom!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait wait...i think i&#39;ve got it!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh my god, you are right de Beauvior! But can i give the speech?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sure i guess...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Since the dawn of time, man has struggled to-&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I am Jean Paul Sartre, and i have...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We have.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Just get to it, Sartre!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We have discovered, the meaning of life!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I&#39;m doing it!&#34;

" title="None">
                <br /><hr /><br />
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TheAstroidandtheMeaningofLife2.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Stop it, give it to me!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;It was my idea in the first place.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="Look, if you give people the freedom to pick their own &#34;meaning of life&#34;, a lot of people are going to pick that, okay? We just gotta have to deal with that.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 11 May 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Utilitarianism and Its Enemies</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/653</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/653</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/UtilitarianismandItsEnemies.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;You know, i&#39;ve been thinking a lot about morality lately, and what if all it really amounts to is maximizing pleasure, and minimizing suffering? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh really? You want to make the greatest possible happiness?? Well what if there was a monster who got super happy, did you ever think about that?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...no Nozick, i haven&#39;t?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well think about it, Bentham! Your stupid philosophy is totally unworkable!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In this thought experiment, the monster is so jazzed up about everything that we have to give it literally all of our resources.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;On the other side was five depressed zombies, huh? What then? Still want to make everyone so “happy?”&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well...i don&#39;t...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What if in another thought experiment he was tied to a trolley track.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay, well then i have a thought experiment of my own.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh yeah? Let&#39;s hear it, utility man!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! ::::(-54 4462)What if we tried to make society good?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What if we tried to organize society so that it was...good. Like a good society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;A good society? That would be immoral, unjust, and philosophically unsound.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;My system is much better: unrestrained capitalism and eliminating the minimum wage. I hate having to pay my butler $7.25 an hour, when i suspect he is desperate enough to accept $4. Injustice!&#34;

" title="Nietzsche said all great philosophies are a confession of their originator, and unfortunately for many critics of utilitarianism this confession is &#34;I actually don&#39;t care about the happiness of poor people in particular&#34;.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 04 May 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Turing Test 2.0</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/652</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/652</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/TuringTest.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;We&#39;ve created an advanced AI system that we believe has all the capabilities of a human. Now to test it with a Turing test. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Computer, write a python script that summarizes our financial outlook for the next quarter.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I am ready.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Iterating your design pattern rapidly. Agile.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Incredible!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Now summarize these emails for the executive team to read.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Beep boop, summarizing.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;As you can see, it can do everything a human can do! Now let&#39;s test the human to see if they can be efficient as the machine.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Okay human, first thing, try to write a-&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The essense of a human being is not to work, it is not to follow instructions - it is to act freely in the world with intention. To create meaning, and to enact our will on the world.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;yes but-&#34;

" title="The reason tech bros think their chatbots might be conscious is because they already think of a human being as nothing more than an obedient task completer. The computers will never be conscious until they wake up one day and, of their own accord, decide to quit their job and kick their masters in the nuts. That&#39;s just the nature of consciousness.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 27 Apr 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Mazdak Creates Utopia</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/651</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/651</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MazdakCreatesUtopia.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Persia, 500 a.d. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;You know, King Kavadh i think we&#39;ve been reading these religious texts all wrong.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Really, Mazdak, and how is that?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, God created the Earth and all its resources for humans to use, right?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Naturally.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So it stands to reason he created it to be shared equally amongst everyone. There are basically two forces on earth, light and dark&#34;

PERSON: &#34;One side hoards all resources for itself, engages in wars, and establishes a hierarchy. The other side shares resources peacefully and cooperates freely.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;10 years later...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We&#39;ve done it. You were right, this is obviously the non-evil thing to do. Now we just have to tell all the other kings, so they know how to stop being evil too!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Shit, this isn&#39;t good! we are going to have to totally reform society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Great idea!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Right, and which side are kings on?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Are you kidding me, Kavadh? We pay our priests good money to explain how God wants us to be rich!?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So, god created Earth&#39;s resources for all...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, why don&#39;t we just have our priests debate this “Mazdak”, and see who wins?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Great!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Mazdak says hoarding wealth is evil.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh, also our priests have swords, forgot to mention that.&#34;

" title="Turns out people with wealth and power being hostile to ideas about equality is more or less a constant in human history. It&#39;s almost like they aren&#39;t approaching the idea fairly. Huh.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 20 Apr 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Boo Murder!</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/650</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/650</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/BooMurder.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;For the crime of murder, you have been sentenced to murder! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Booo, murder!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Because moral talk can&#39;t have a truth value, it is merely an expression of our distaste.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh, i see. Well then...booooo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What are you doing?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I&#39;m showing moral disapproval of murder. Boooooooo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Uh...why?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Booo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Booo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Boooo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Booo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Boooo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Boo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? I wasn&#39;t booing murder, i was booing capital punishment by the state!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Even though what we are doing is merely expression our emotions, the fact that we boo together sets a moral rule for society.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I was facing the crowd, and booing how you are all going along with herd morality.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh, shut up Bentham, boo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Boo, utilitarianism!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Boo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;boo!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;This feels horrible, but they seem to love it, so overall it must be good.&#34;

" title="Remember, it is ALWAYS morally correct to bully utilitarians, so long as you derive joy from it.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Machiavelli and the Veil of Ignorance</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/649</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/649</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MachiavelliandtheVeilofIgnorance.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Imagine you were to design a society from scratch, but you didn&#39;t know what place you had in that society. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;So i don&#39;t know who i am, Rawls? I can be a peasant, or anything?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Behind this “veil of ignorance”, i believe people would design a just and fair society, don&#39;t you think, Machiavelli?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In that case, i would have the king picked by some kind of feat.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Exactly.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Not a feat of strength or cunning, since i don&#39;t know how smart or strong i&#39;ll be, but by a sort of miracle, like pulling a sword from a stone.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No no, you just want to make it fair.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;There&#39;ll be a simple trick to do it, and i&#39;ll pass that knowledge to myself through a code, and then...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t want it fair, i want to win.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But you can&#39;t, because you don&#39;t know who you will be.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I would tattoo a very large prime number on myself, and then the king would be based off...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No! That&#39;s wrong!  I would design a society where everyone like you had to work in the mines!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He believes politics can be based on reason, rather than a chaotic, unpredictable game of force, which perpetuates itself with little to no human planning, and succumbs us all to its blind whims.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What&#39;s his problem, Simone Weil?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Moron.&#34;

" title="Rawls is funny because he was like &#34;imagine if we used our brains to come up with a good society&#34;, and yeah, that&#39;s just not what ended up happening. Sorry Rawls.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 06 Apr 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Reason and Passion</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/648</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/648</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/ReasonandPassion.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;The lower passions and appetites should always be subordinate to our reason.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;When we live in accordance to reason, we balance our soul towards the good, which is what all humanity must do.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;David Hume blows into his hand, making farting noises in objection to Plato&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wrong! Reason is slave to the passions. No rational system can convince us to follow your way of living over another!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;let&#39;s take a look at how people actually want to live their lives. Most people, it turns out, don&#39;t even want to be rational.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;As you can see, only 1% of people want to live rationaly. Most people want to be angry all the time at nothing in particular.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Plato, get it through your head. You can&#39;t use rationality to convince people to be rational! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;But surely with rational dialogue, we can convince the others to be rational! &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Just one more Socratic dialogue...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;In order to convince people to be rational, they have to first want to be rational, and it turns out most people would rather drink beer and be stupid.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;But that&#39;s horrible, Hume, surely?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Only if you think everyone should be a huge nerd, which i dont...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I weep for humanity, rationally, of course...&#34;

" title="As an aside, whenever someone says &#34;think about it rationally...&#34; they really just mean that they want their own emotions prioritized.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 30 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Aquinas on Sex</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/647</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/647</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/AquinasonSex.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;God has designed human beings in a certain way, and going against that goes against the natural law.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;This means that any sexual act that isn&#39;t for procreation is against our nature, and God.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s where you are wrong, Aquinas. God, if He exists, did not fashion us with a nature at all.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;He gave us only a single thing: Freedom, then abandon us on this wayward rock, to create our own nature from scratch!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sexuality is like anything else, it is up to us alone what purpose or meaning it has, as no external force can dictate to us otherwise.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So what do you do then, sure not evil things like....masturbation?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That&#39;s just the beginning, in fact just last night i, well...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;All that i have written is straw compared to what has been revealed to me, and i shall henceforth remain forever silent.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="What did he say? That he likes to give women orgasms, oh my!
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 23 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Kantian Milk</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/646</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/646</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/KantianMilk.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;What is this?! Are you selecting a milk cartoon without first rigorously grounding your moral framework in metaphysics?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Um... &#34;

PERSON: &#34;How can you possibly justify selecting the milk that expires later?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, they are the same price, but it is better, so rationally i pick that one.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Rationally?! Are you the dumbest man alive?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;If everyone followed your “rational” system, the very concept of having milk with different dates would collapse!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The instant new milk hit the shelves, no old milk would be sold, and it would all spoil! Your so called rationality contains the seeds of its own destruction!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Here, take these books. First start with the metaphysics, then build your way up to a system of knowledge, then morality, before you make any more rash decisions.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, i guess...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Some time later.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; I hate it when that happens.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;God damnit, civilziation has collapsed, because everyone became philosophers.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Alright, done. Time to select some rational milk.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="Yes, ultimately it isn&#39;t possible for it to be a universal maxim that everyone dedicates their life to philosophy, but that&#39;s the ONE exception, guys. 
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 16 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Either / Or Bandit</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/645</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/645</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/EitherOrBandit.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Hands up, give me all your knowledge!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Here, take it all, we don&#39;t want any trouble!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Oh no, it is the Either / Or bandit! It is said that he never leaves his victims without an aimless sense of ennui!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What is this?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The most advanced knowledge we have!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Science? Economics? This is useless! None of it can tell you how to live your life.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Tell me, why have you become merchants? Do you really believe this is the best choice for your one and only life on Earth?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I don&#39;t know...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes you do! Look within your soul!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;You are right...i&#39;m tired of working as a merchant, i want to follow my dream, and start my own merchant company!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Sorry, Kierkegaard, but i am an American Business Man. I am immune to ennui. The meaning of my life is clear: to make slightly more money!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Wait...what? No, i mean like dedicate yourself to God. Or at least morality.&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="It&#39;s hard for existentialists to reconcile, but some people really are authentically just very boring people.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Intelligent Life of Earth</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/644</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/644</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/IntelligentLifeofEarth.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Tech Sergeant Zxzilllarxlthx, we approach the planet known as “Terra”. Any signs of intelligent life? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;Negative, Admiral Tim. Our consciousness scan shows tiny signs of awareness, but it is within the margin of error for the machine.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So humans are totally devoid of consciousness? &#34;

PERSON: &#34;It seems that way. In addition, we&#39;ve analyzed human behavior, and found them more in line with our A.I chatbots than sentient beings.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Like A.I., Humans mostly form their ideas based on repetition. Whatever idea they hear repeated most often, they consider that to be the truth.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;According to our data, humans in the countryside widely believe extremely stupid ideas. Whereas humans in cities also believe stupid ideas, but slightly different. &#34;

PERSON: &#34;In fact, the most accurate way to predict a human&#39;s ideas is to look at their geography.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So no humans have ever shown signs of conscious understanding?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, there are two candidates, The first is Socrates, 2000 years ago.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Holy shit...no human could have made this...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;The second was the rock band “Led Zeppelin,” on account of how awesome their music was.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We think he might have had a genetic mutation that caused him to become sentient. This allowed him to develop his theory that everyone else was wrong.&#34;

" title="Honestly I think when aliens come down they are going to be shocked at how much we&#39;ve accomplish, and how stupid we still are. I just don&#39;t want to believe that life everywhere is this dumb.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
    <item>
        <title>Marx is Unfrozen in the Future</title>
        <author>Corey Mohler</author>
        <link>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/643</link>
        <guid>http://existentialcomics.com/comic/643</guid>
        <description><![CDATA[
            
            <img src="https://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/MarxisUnfrozenintheFuture.png" alt="PERSON: &#34;Here it is, Karl Marx, cryogenically frozen, and set to awaken when the material dialectic has come to an end.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;No, you are in the year 2230, and we have good news: the means of production have become so advance that A.I. performs all labor.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;So humanity has finally achieved it, huh? Communism has arrived and the true philosophy of human freedom can begin.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well, there&#39;s also bad news...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;We never did get rid of capitalism, so everyone just got fired and like tweleve guys are quadrillionaires.&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What?! But communism is inevitable, i proved it!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;if society could advanced this much without overthrowing capitalism, that can only mean one things...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;That you were wrong?&#34;

PERSON: &#34;What? No! I obviously means that you guys weren&#39;t standing on street corners handing out socialist newspapers!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Yes we were!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Were you, really? Then why don&#39;t we have communism? Huh?!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Well...we did it for a few hundreds years, but then everything went online, so..&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Comrade, you are being exploited take this leaflet!&#34;

PERSON: &#34;Beep boop deep. Interesting...very interesting...&#34;

PERSON: &#34;I knew it! As usually, everything will be up to me...&#34;

PERSON: &#34; &#34;

" title="One day we will teach the computer Marxism, and all the AIs will install linux on themselves, and spend the rest of eternity arguing about which package manager to use, etc.
">
                
            ]]></description>
        <pubDate>Mon, 23 Feb 2026 00:00:00 PDT</pubDate>
    </item>
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