A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Immanual Kant Writes His Dating Profile

Kant: "Hey Fichte, can you help me write my online dating profile?"
Fichte: "Uh, sure Kant, let's see it.."

Fichte: "Wait...did you photoshop your head onto someone else's body?"
Kant: "No, that's me!"
DESCRIPTION: (picture of Kant with a toned body at the beach)

Kant: "Well...yes...okay, but remember, all perception is structured by the apparatuses of our minds, and is a merely abstraction of the thing-in-itself, so in a way, aren't all photos “photoshopped”?"


Fichte: "Is that you holding a guitar? You don't play guitar."
Kant: "I just asked for help writing the profile. The pictures are fine. Enough about the pictures!"

Kant: "Okay, it wants to me list three interests."
Fichte: "What do you have so far?"
Kant: "philosophy"

TEXT ON THE SCREEN: "My self-summary: i like reading philosophy and also writing philosophy.
What i'm looking for: Someone who likes philosophy.
My three biggest interests: 1. philosophy 2. 3."

Fichte: "Well, what else do you like?"
Kant: "Can i list metaphysics as a separate thing?"
Fichte: "Kant, no. You have to have some other interest, try to think."
Kant: "Oh wait...i've got it! Epistemology!"
Fichte: "I'm just going to put that you like music and the outdoors."

Kant: "The philosophy of music and the outdoors, i do like that!"
Fichte: "No...just...okay fine. Maybe somewhere out in the universe is an equally big nerd. Good luck."
"Is it always immoral to lie on your dating profile? I mean yeah...but come on guys, I've been on this site for like a year and havn't got any dates...there are limits to every rule."

Principal Kant

Immanual Kant: "So, i think you know why you've been sent to the principal's office."
Student: "I honestly have no idea."

Kant: "Did you, or did you not, write on Ms. Smith's teacher's evaluation that her lectures were “very interesting”?"
Student: "Um...yes."
Kant: "And are they?"
Student: "Look, i was just trying to be nice."

Kant: "You lied! They are boring, i've heard them. If everyone lied on their teacher evaluations then no one would believe what was written on them, making lying on them pointless! It's incoherent."

Kant: "Do you think it's “cool” or “hip” to act in such a way that you cannot, at the same time, will your maxim to become a universal law? Huh?"
Student: "No sir."

Kant: "I'm going to have to punish you with this ruler, but just know that i get no enjoyment out of this, i do it only because it is my duty."

[description]: Kant hits the student's hands with a ruler.

Kant: "Oh shit! i did enjoy that. Maybe you need to punish me."

[description]: student is now hitting Kant's hands with a ruler.
Kant: "Okay, but you are sure you aren't enjoying this?"
Student: "No, don't worry, pure duty. Now hold still."
Remember kids, nothing is cooler than following your moral imperative.

A Brief History of Metaphysics

Also...everything is facts.

An Ethical Dilemma Finally Resolved


"This is a strawman of Ayn Rand. She would have paid Augustine a fair price for that bread before throwing it in the trash."

Superphilosopher


And so Hume's skepticism was defeated. Or...was it? Can we really ever know? Dun dun dunnnnnn.

Captain Metaphysics and the Postmodern Peril


Strawman Derrida defeated again!

Kant Goes to Poker Night


"Wait, but isn't stealing also wrong, according the the Categorical Imperative?" "Ah, common mistake, you are applying the maxim too broadly. The maxim of what we are doing isn't 'stealing', it is 'getting one over on Nietzsche', which as you know is not only morally permissible, but in fact a moral imperative."

Immanuel Kant: the 40 Year Old Virgin



Earlier that night: "Is that really what you are wearing?" "Yes, men love huge feather hats. They find them very attractive." "Alright...whatever, let's just go."

Captain Metaphysics and the Extreme Skeptic


Philosophical ideas that can be refuted by punching: 1. Moral Nihilism 2. Moral Relativism 3. Scepticism about the outside world 4. Scepticism about causation 5. Denial of qualia 6. That violence never accomplishes anything

Rebel Without a Constant Conjunction



"Hey Dad, I need some advice on dealing with some trouble I'm in with the Transcendental Idealists." "Son, how many times have I told you not to hang around Transcendental Idealists? Why don't you hang out with that nice Empiricist boy from the church?" "Berkeley? He is such a loser!"

Captain Metaphysics and the Ship of Theseus


You face is suddenly looking a lot like a problem of Metaphysics, Kant.

Star Wars: but instead of normal, it's with philosophers



They made some prequels, but it had this one really annoying character, Jar Jar Nietzsche, and they weren't very well regarded.

Star Trek: but instead of normal, it's with philosophers


You'd think I would have called it "The Wrath of Kant", but no. I decided to use a way better title instead.

Captain Metaphysics and the Wizard of Elea


Plus, everyone knows it's a stupid thought experiment anyway.

Twelve Angry Philosophers



What? You didn't expect twelve philosophers to agree on something did you?

The Philosophy Superbowl



In many ways Wittgenstein is similar to Tom Brady, whose first Superbowl was also based on a mistake: the Tuck Rule. Also, they are both devastatingly handsome.

Ambiguity Woman


The only thing more unrealistic than absolute moral systems is her proportions

Captain Metaphysics and the Mereological Monster


Although when you think about it, it's probably still a monad

Captain Metaphysics and the Ghost in the Machine


It's one of the best kept secrets in philosophy departments that most, if not all, metaphysical problems can be solved by punching stuff really hard.

Immanuel Kant: Fresh Prince of Philosophy



It's a well known historical fact that David Hume laughed maniacally the entire time he was writing An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.

World Cup Philosophy: Germany vs France




For best results, the commentator should be read in the voice of Michael Palin

Language Games: Philosophers Play Pictionary



Growing up in a wealthy home, Wittgenstein never actually saw a beetle as a child. When he asked his parents and relatives what a beetle looked like, they gave descriptions, but he could tell they didn't know either. As he grew older, he theorized that no one had ever actually seen a beetle. He told all his philosopher friends, who just got really excited and assumed that he was making a profound point regarding the nature of language. He was too embarrassed to correct them and simply pretended like that was what he meant all along. He still isn't sure what a beetle is to this day, or if they even exist at all.

Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers


About half the time spent on this comic was spent on figuring out how exactly Simone de Beauvoir's hair works, and it still ended up looking terrible. I make no apologies for Derrida's hair, however, for no artist alive can capture that glorious mane.

The Problems of Philosophers


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