A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Deal with the Devil

"oh and another thing...metaphysics is stupid"

Ten Years of Existential Comics

Mostly though what I'd say I've accomplished was nothing, but I guess that just how things go when you are an existentialist.

Philosophical Pickup Lines

Generally speaking philosophy is actually a super good for picking up women if what you want to do with them is dicuss philosophy.

Philosophy at a Red Light

And that, children, is why you NEVER act in such a way that you cannot, at the a same time, will to be a universal maxim.

The Interrogation

"Ah, but have you considered that throwing him in prison now won't achieve anything, because philosophically..."

500th Comic

Seriously though thanks for the support over the years.

Immanuel Kant's Day Off

Kant's friend: "Kant, you have to take a break from just doing philosophy! "
Kant: "But that's all i want to do."
Kant's friend: "Just give it a try."
Kant: "Fine."

Kant, at the beach: "i don't like this."

Kant, on a Ferris wheel: "i don't like this."

Kant, parasailing: "i don't like this."

Kant, at a dance club: "i don't like this."

Kant, eating ice cream: "i don't like this."

Kant's friend: "But why don't you like any of it?"
Kant: "Ah yes! Why?"

Kant: "Why indeed?"

Kant, writing philosophy: "This i like."
Later that night Kant finished what was possibly his greatest masterpiece: The Critique of Pure Fun.

Verificationist Man

Caption: "In a world rife with metaphysical
speculation, only one man has the
intellect, courage, and commitment
to verifiable science to do stop it... "

Caption: "...also, he was the only one who was a big enough nerd to care so much about stuff like that."

Caption: "He was, Principle of Verification Man!"
Description: It is Rudolph Carnap in a cape.

Carnap: "Hooray for science!"

Leibniz: "Mind and body coincide not due to causation, but because of a pre-established harmony ordained by God."

Carnap, slapping him: "That statement has no empirical content that can be verified by the sense, so it is...nonsense!"

Kant: "Reality is in itself unknowable, we can only observe the phenomenal world."
Carnap, slapping him: "Nonsense!"

Whitehead: "Reality consists of processes rather than material objects."

Schlick: "Only statements that are empirically verifiable are cognitively meaningful."
Carnap, slapping him: "Nonsense!"

Schlick: "Carnap, what are you doing? That's our theory!"
Carnap: "Wait...shit, no, hold on..."
Wait a minute, I don't care that at all, because the verification principle isn't making a metaphysical claim it is making a suggestion about how we should talk about things.

Captain Metaphysics and the Philosophical Zombie

Plato: "Leibniz, come quickly, something is terribly wrong with Kant!"
Leibniz: "What is it?"
Plato: "You have to see for yourself."

Description: Two identical Immanual Kants are sitting at desks writing philosophy.

Plato: "There are two of them!"
Leibniz: "Two Kants! Good god, one was bad enough. But where did the second one come from?"

David Chalmers: "It is I who has done it, evil David Chalmers! I have made a duplicate of Kant, he is identical in behavior in every way, but there is one crucial difference..."

Chalmers: "He has no consciousness! He is a philosophical zombie! Since you can't tell the difference in behavior, I have shown physicalism to be false once and for all, HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!"

Plato: "There must be a way to tell them apart. Kant one, what do you want from life? Happiness? Love? Fulfillment? "

Kant one: "No, I want to work on philosophical problems."

Leibniz: "Okay, Kant two: A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?"

Kant two: "Because i would rather work on philosophy, obviously."
Leibniz: "The problem is Kant is already pretty devoid of consciousness. We need Captain Metaphysics."

All together: "With our powers combined!

Captain Metaphysics: "I know how to tell them apart!"

Description: Captain Metaphysics punching Kant one, then punches Kant two.

Kant two: "Owww! What the hell are you doing, that hurts!"

Captain Metaphysics: "The real Kant is that one, because he doesn't like feeling pain."

Leibniz, as they all start beating up Kant two: "Wow, you are right, this is a great way to determine who has consciousness!"
"Yes, but what if the philosophy zombie can't feel any pain, and is only pretending to be a wimpy nerd?"

The Philosophy of Humor

Epictetus: "What is the basis of comedy? What is laughter? What is joking?"

Epictetus: "Nothing but scorn for the weak. We laugh because we see ourselves as better. Laughter is a vice, a man of proper stoic virtue does not take part in humor."

Epictetus: "Laughter is a mistake."

Immanuel Kant: "Look, I agree with you, Epictetus, that humor is a mistake and teaches us nothing, but it isn't just scorn. When, after building up an expectation, we hear a surprising twist, it jostles nerves at random which produces a pleasing laugh."

Kant: "I bet i can make you laugh merely by giving an absurd tale which is contrary to your understanding, with no scorn involved."

Epictetus: "Impossible. I have never laughed and i never will."

Kant: "A merchant returning from India to Europe with all his wealth in merchandise...was forced to throw it overboard in a heavy storm and grieved the loss so much that his wig turned gray the same night."

Epictetus: "That is not funny and i will not laugh at it."

Saint Thomas Aquinas: "No, you have it wrong too Kant! Laughter is merely play. We joke to test each other's wit and bring joy, thus it is a virtue, not a vice. For example, say a landlord says the following to a tenant late on their rent:"
Aquinas: "'We appreciate your business, but, please, give us a break. Your account is overdue ten months. That means we’ve carried you longer than your mother did!'"

Aquinas: "He does so to lighten the mood and show a connection between two things, how is that a vice?"
Epictetus: "Because, Aquinas, instead of playful banter he should have used the opportunity to teach a lesson in stoic virtue."

Sigmund Freud: "No, Kant was closer, but the nerves aren't jostled “at random”, it is our pent up deep repressions that are released in the form of laughter. The human mind represses much and saying outloud these repressions causes a release."

Epictetus: "I have no “repressions”, Freud, I live according to nature."
Freud: "Is that so? Let's see if the following joke makes you laugh, shall we?"

Freud: "Penis."

Epictetus: "That's it?"
Freud: "Wait for the punchline."
Epictetus: "Okay...what's the punchline?"

Freud: "More penis."

Freud, loudly: "Peeeeeeeenis!"

Description: Everyone starts laughing.

Epictetus: "HaHahahaHa. Good one Freud. Penis. You got me, that was pretty funny."
What is comedy? It is saying the word "penis" very loudly.

Philosophy During a Pandemic

Kant: "All of us must, in times of crisis, examine our moral actions all the more clearly. Are we performing our duty at all times?"

Anscombe: "Each of us must reflect on our own intentions for every action we take. Are we doing what we can to help protect society? Or are we making excuses for ourselves?"

Seneca: "When things become difficult our moral strength must be absolute. Our desires for our own pleasure must pale in comparison to our desire to do what is right."

Marx, kicking down the door with two AK-47s in his hands: "Alright everyone, now is our chance! Capitalism is weakened, and showing it cannot manage a crisis. The full cruelty of the class structure is being laid bare. We must seize this opportunity to overthrow the bourgeoisie once and for all and free the workers!"

Anscombe: "Oh good, you are here, Marx. We are just organizing mutual aid by making these meals for people in quarantine, and distributing sanitation supplies to those most vulnerable."
Marx: "Wait...what?"

Marx: "Sanitation supplies? Food? You aren't trying to overthrow the bourgeoisie!?"

Kant: "No, of course not. How many times do i have to explain this to you, Marx, we philosophers by and large are the bourgeoisie."

Seneca: "Seriously, who do you think can afford to spend their lives debating about whether or not chairs exist? Peasants?"
Marx: "God dammit, you guys. Fine, how can i help?"
Utilitarianism: "do everything you can to prevent it from spreading." Deontology: "do everything you can to prevent it from spreading." Virtue Ethics: "do everything you can to prevent it from spreading."

Immanual Kant Writes His Dating Profile

Kant: "Hey Fichte, can you help me write my online dating profile?"
Fichte: "Uh, sure Kant, let's see it.."

Fichte: "Wait...did you photoshop your head onto someone else's body?"
Kant: "No, that's me!"
DESCRIPTION: (picture of Kant with a toned body at the beach)

Kant: "Well...yes...okay, but remember, all perception is structured by the apparatuses of our minds, and is a merely abstraction of the thing-in-itself, so in a way, aren't all photos “photoshopped”?"

Fichte: "Is that you holding a guitar? You don't play guitar."
Kant: "I just asked for help writing the profile. The pictures are fine. Enough about the pictures!"

Kant: "Okay, it wants to me list three interests."
Fichte: "What do you have so far?"
Kant: "philosophy"

TEXT ON THE SCREEN: "My self-summary: i like reading philosophy and also writing philosophy.
What i'm looking for: Someone who likes philosophy.
My three biggest interests: 1. philosophy 2. 3."

Fichte: "Well, what else do you like?"
Kant: "Can i list metaphysics as a separate thing?"
Fichte: "Kant, no. You have to have some other interest, try to think."
Kant: "Oh wait...i've got it! Epistemology!"
Fichte: "I'm just going to put that you like music and the outdoors."

Kant: "The philosophy of music and the outdoors, i do like that!"
Fichte: "No...just...okay fine. Maybe somewhere out in the universe is an equally big nerd. Good luck."
"Is it always immoral to lie on your dating profile? I mean yeah...but come on guys, I've been on this site for like a year and havn't got any dates...there are limits to every rule."

Principal Kant

Immanual Kant: "So, i think you know why you've been sent to the principal's office."
Student: "I honestly have no idea."

Kant: "Did you, or did you not, write on Ms. Smith's teacher's evaluation that her lectures were “very interesting”?"
Student: "Um...yes."
Kant: "And are they?"
Student: "Look, i was just trying to be nice."

Kant: "You lied! They are boring, i've heard them. If everyone lied on their teacher evaluations then no one would believe what was written on them, making lying on them pointless! It's incoherent."

Kant: "Do you think it's “cool” or “hip” to act in such a way that you cannot, at the same time, will your maxim to become a universal law? Huh?"
Student: "No sir."

Kant: "I'm going to have to punish you with this ruler, but just know that i get no enjoyment out of this, i do it only because it is my duty."

[description]: Kant hits the student's hands with a ruler.

Kant: "Oh shit! i did enjoy that. Maybe you need to punish me."

[description]: student is now hitting Kant's hands with a ruler.
Kant: "Okay, but you are sure you aren't enjoying this?"
Student: "No, don't worry, pure duty. Now hold still."
Remember kids, nothing is cooler than following your moral imperative.

A Brief History of Metaphysics

Also...everything is facts.

An Ethical Dilemma Finally Resolved

"This is a strawman of Ayn Rand. She would have paid Augustine a fair price for that bread before throwing it in the trash."


And so Hume's skepticism was defeated. Or...was it? Can we really ever know? Dun dun dunnnnnn.

Captain Metaphysics and the Postmodern Peril

Strawman Derrida defeated again!

Kant Goes to Poker Night

"Wait, but isn't stealing also wrong, according the the Categorical Imperative?" "Ah, common mistake, you are applying the maxim too broadly. The maxim of what we are doing isn't 'stealing', it is 'getting one over on Nietzsche', which as you know is not only morally permissible, but in fact a moral imperative."

Immanuel Kant: the 40 Year Old Virgin

Earlier that night: "Is that really what you are wearing?" "Yes, men love huge feather hats. They find them very attractive." "Alright...whatever, let's just go."

Captain Metaphysics and the Extreme Skeptic

Philosophical ideas that can be refuted by punching: 1. Moral Nihilism 2. Moral Relativism 3. Scepticism about the outside world 4. Scepticism about causation 5. Denial of qualia 6. That violence never accomplishes anything

Rebel Without a Constant Conjunction

"Hey Dad, I need some advice on dealing with some trouble I'm in with the Transcendental Idealists." "Son, how many times have I told you not to hang around Transcendental Idealists? Why don't you hang out with that nice Empiricist boy from the church?" "Berkeley? He is such a loser!"

Captain Metaphysics and the Ship of Theseus

You face is suddenly looking a lot like a problem of Metaphysics, Kant.

Star Wars: but instead of normal, it's with philosophers

They made some prequels, but it had this one really annoying character, Jar Jar Nietzsche, and they weren't very well regarded.

Star Trek: but instead of normal, it's with philosophers

You'd think I would have called it "The Wrath of Kant", but no. I decided to use a way better title instead.

Captain Metaphysics and the Wizard of Elea

Plus, everyone knows it's a stupid thought experiment anyway.

Twelve Angry Philosophers

What? You didn't expect twelve philosophers to agree on something did you?

The Philosophy Superbowl

In many ways Wittgenstein is similar to Tom Brady, whose first Superbowl was also based on a mistake: the Tuck Rule. Also, they are both devastatingly handsome.

Ambiguity Woman

The only thing more unrealistic than absolute moral systems is her proportions

Captain Metaphysics and the Mereological Monster

Although when you think about it, it's probably still a monad

Captain Metaphysics and the Ghost in the Machine

It's one of the best kept secrets in philosophy departments that most, if not all, metaphysical problems can be solved by punching stuff really hard.

Immanuel Kant: Fresh Prince of Philosophy

It's a well known historical fact that David Hume laughed maniacally the entire time he was writing An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.

World Cup Philosophy: Germany vs France

For best results, the commentator should be read in the voice of Michael Palin

Language Games: Philosophers Play Pictionary

Growing up in a wealthy home, Wittgenstein never actually saw a beetle as a child. When he asked his parents and relatives what a beetle looked like, they gave descriptions, but he could tell they didn't know either. As he grew older, he theorized that no one had ever actually seen a beetle. He told all his philosopher friends, who just got really excited and assumed that he was making a profound point regarding the nature of language. He was too embarrassed to correct them and simply pretended like that was what he meant all along. He still isn't sure what a beetle is to this day, or if they even exist at all.

Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers

About half the time spent on this comic was spent on figuring out how exactly Simone de Beauvoir's hair works, and it still ended up looking terrible. I make no apologies for Derrida's hair, however, for no artist alive can capture that glorious mane.

The Problems of Philosophers

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