Arthur Schopenhauer - Existential Comics

A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

A Brief History of Human Nature

Of course the real answer is that God, in His infinite wisdom, created humans to stare at computer screens for 8 hours a day.

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500th Comic

Seriously though thanks for the support over the years.

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World Championship Philosophy

Foucault was definitely using some beads for assistance when he wrote Discipline and Punish, that's all I'm going to say.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/477

A Day in the Life of Arthur Schopenhauer

Description: Schopenhauer waking up in the morning.
Schopenhauer: "God dammit I'm still alive! "

Next scene: Schopenhauer hears cracking of whips outside to drive horse carts.
Schopenhauer: "Hey, shut the hell up! I'm trying to explain how stupid Hegel is!"

Next scene: Schopenhauer talking to a woman.
Woman: "Uh, actually i already have a boyfriend."
Woman: "Anyway uh...I've gotta go."
Schopenhauer: "Yeah, well, women are all stupid children anyway and i don't even want a girlfriend! "

Next scene: Schopenhauer with his poodle.
Schopenhauer: "Alright, time for a music break, Atma."
Description: he plays the flute for his poodle and they dance together.

Next scene: Schopenhauer at dinner.
Schopenhauer's mom: "I made you some sandwiches."
Schopenhauer: "Mother, how many times have i told you? You have to cut the crusts off, i don't like crusts!"

Next scene: Schopenhauer going to bed.
Schopenhauer: "Well, time for bed."
Schopenhauer: "God dammit, I lived through the entire day. "

Yes, life is suffering, but look on the bright side: it is short.

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Philosophy Anonymous

Socrates: "Hello, my name is Socrates, and i am a philosophy addict. "

Socrates: "But then again, what really IS an addiction?"
Wittgenstein: "I think it's any compulsive activity."

Socrates: "Ahh, but what is the actual difference between compulsion and genuine willing?"
Wittgenstein: "Well..."

Aquinas: "Alright everyone, settle down, that's enough of that. Wittgenstein, your turn to speak."

Wittgenstein: "I've been philosophy free for five years, but last night i had a relapse. I had some friends over to watch sports..."

Wittgenstein: "I just kept asking them to try to come up with a definition that includes all games and excludes all non-games. Before I knew it I had developed a new theory of language."

Schopenhauer: "I too had a relapse. I was at a restaurant and I overheard someone telling their date that all morality is obviously subjective."

Aquinas: "So what did you do, Schopenhauer?"
Schopenhauer: "I pushed him down the stairs! Ha."
Aquinas: "you...what?"

Schopenhauer: "Yeah, and her too because she was chewing too loud. Wait...this is rageaholics right?"

PERSON: "You...what?"

"Am I addicted to pushing people down the stairs? Well, that all depends, define 'stairs'."

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Schopenhauer's Despair

Schopenhauer's Mom: "Hey Arthur, whatcha working on? "
Schopenhauer: "I am demonstrating beyond doubt that life is not worth living."

Schopenhauer: "Life is suffering, and it can be nothing else! Existence is a futile striving and happiness is an illusion."

Schopenhauer's Mom: "Okay, well it sounds like you need to eat. I made you some sandwiches."
Schopenhauer: "I don't need to eat, i need to find a reason to live!"

Schopenhauer's Mom: "Okay, but whenever you start writing about how life is despair, it usually means you are hungry."
Schopenhauer: "I am not hungry, mother! I am just the only philosopher with the courage to gaze into the abyss."

Schopenhauer's Mom: "Whatever you say. I'll just leave these here just in case though..."
Schopenhauer: "Fine, whatever! Just leave me to my despair."

Description: "10 minutes later, she returns"

Schopenhauer's Mom: "Hey, what are you working on now?"

Schopenhauer: "I'm writing about the sublime beauty of music, and how beauty can create joy deeper than any base pleasure!"
Schopenhauer's Mom: "Feeling better then?"

Schopenhauer: "No, uh...life is still suffering and all. I just happened to have moved on to a different topic... for non-sandwich reasons."

Nietzsche said: "if someone cannot cope with his 'psychic suffering', this does not stem from his psyche, to speak crudely; more probably from his stomach", and sometimes I feel like he was talking about Schopenhauer.

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Contemplations on Eternity

Kierkegaard: "The concept of eternity is impossible for the human mind to grasp, and yet we are all forced to grasp with the certainty of an eternity that we cannot comprehend."

Kierkegaard: "And that is, of course, the eternity of death."

Kierkegaard: "Death is so alien to us, both because we can't comprehend our own non-existence, and because we can't comprehend that anything will last forever."

Kierkegaard: "But once every few years i have a glimpse into the reality of eternity. The true meaning of death overwhelms me, my entire life shrinks before the stark reality of non-existence."

Schopenhauer: "Yeah, Kierkegaard, but look on the bright side."
Kierkegaard: "The bright side , Schopenhauer? What bright side?"
Schopenhauer: "Yeah, you said you only have this experience once every few years."
Kierkegaard: "So?"

Schopenhauer: "Well, just given how long you'll live, that means that you'll only have to go through this again ten or twenty more times, at most."
Kierkegaard: "I guess that's true."

Schopenhauer: "And after that you'll be dead, so you won't have to worry about it anymore. Forever."
Kierkegaard: "Right..."

Kierkegaard: "...right..."

"How can I cure my anxiety about death?" "Do you mean...aside from dying or...?"

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Philosophy Booth

Serious historical question though, no joke: did Hegel have groupies?

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Schopenhauer and Buddha

Premise: desire leads to suffering. Conclusion: we have to get revenge on Hegel.

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Schopenhauer at the Market

Paper or plastic? PAPER OR PLASTIC you ask me?! Paper is fine.

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The Beautiful and the Sublime

There are three main aesthetic categories: the beautiful, the sublime, and really good sandwiches.

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Wisdom Lovers

Oh yeah? You think you love wisdom? Name your top five really wise things.

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The Death of Schopenhauer

Stupid God, giving us eternal paradise. Who put this asshole in charge anyway?

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Schopenhauer's Mom

I bet Hegel doesn't even have a very good poodle!

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Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophers VI: The Angsty Dragon of Angst

It's better to not even begin playing D&D than it is to play as a Bard.

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Sorry! And the Nature of Suffering

It is better to not even begin playing the game, as it will only lead to suffering and misery. Plus, last time I played Hegel ended up winning, even though he totally didn't deserve it.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/102

Mad Philosophy

Schopenhauer was chosen only because he's just really got that mad scientist look. I think it's the hair

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/56

Schopenhauer and Hegel

Plus this one time, Schopenhauer was waiting to get into this club for like an hour, and then the bouncer just let Hegel right in, skipping the line. It turned out to be a stupid club anyway because all the girls just wanted to talk to Hegel.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/40