Thales - Existential Comics

A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Thales and the Olive Presses

Thales: "I follow a higher cause, the cause of philosophy. I seek knowledge, not riches. "
Greek Business Man: "You only say that because you can't get rich."
Thales: "Not true, i could do it if i wanted."

Business Man: "Prove it."
Thales: "I will!"
Business Man: "Fine!"
Thales: "Fine!"

Thales, later on: "Yes...the olive presses aren't being used now, so I'll buy them all up cheaply..."

Thales: "Yes, you see, now that the harvest is good you all have to pay! I told you i could become rich if i wanted!"

Thales: "When the harvest comes, i will own them all, and i can charge exorbitant prices for their use..."

Thales: "So you see, I've proven that i could earn money i wanted, but i don't want to: i choose the path of true happiness."

Business Man: "You just spent a year of your life doing something you hate just to prove you are smarter than everyone else. That's the philosopher's â€œgood lifeâ€?"

Thales: "...yes."

"We philosophers are not interested in worldly goods. What is gold and riches compared to the thrill of spite?"

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/407

Presocratic Staff Meeting

"It's just a word. Don't you know anything about language? The sounds are arbitrary"

"It's just a word. Don't you know anything about language? The sounds are arbitrary"

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/397

Philosophy at the Olympics

Announcer: "Welcome back to the Olympic games, our next event: philosophy."

Announcer: "First up, Thales. He had a poor showing last Olympics with his â€œeveryone is made of dirtâ€ theory. Let's see if he can do better today. "

Thales: "Everything is made of...water."

Announcer: "Alright, let's go to the judges. Not a bad score, surprisingly."
Description: Scores show: 8.1, 9.2, 8.8

Announcer: "Next up is Zeno of Elea. Let's see what he has to say."

Zeno: "If Achilles had to catch up to a tortoise in a race he'd first have to reach the spot the tortoise was at."

Zeno: "But the tortoise will have moved, so then he'd have to reach that spot next, but it will have moved again, thus he could never catch up with it. Motion is impossible."

Announcer: "A bit similar to his â€œan arrow would have to go halfwayâ€ thought experiment from last Olympics, or his â€œAchilles has to catch a snailâ€ from the year before. Looks like the judges agree."
Description: Scores show: 7.2, 8.0, 7.6

Announcer: "Okay, here comes Socrates, let's see if he can follow up on his Gold Medal performance at the last games."

Socrates: "Everything all these guys just said is total bullshit."

Announcer: "And the crowd goes wild!"

Announcer: "A perfect score, he really is the wisest man in Athens, and it's not even close!"

Announcer: "Socrates wins gold yet again."

Socrates, standing on the podium: "Yes! Socrates rules!"

"But what really does it mean to be the best? It fuckin' rules, that's what it means."

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/388

The Invention of Philosophy

Description: Thales and his wife are sleeping in bed, he suddenly sits up and shouts: "My God, I've got it! What if we try thinking about stuff! "

Thale's Wife: "Go to bed Thales, it's two in the morning."
Thales: "Is it though? Maybe time is an illusion, did you ever think of that? Huh?!"
Thales Wife: "Whatever, just go to sleep."

Description: The next day Thales in drinking with his friends.

Thales: "Alright guys, we are going to try something different today. I call it: philosophy."
Heraclitus: "What is that?"
Thales: "It's where we think about stuff...and try to figure out the truth about the world."

Heraclitus: "Sounds weird. Can't we just drink and talk about who we want to have sex with, like usual?"
Thales: "No! We are going to try to find the truth. So...any ideas about the ultimate nature of reality?"

Pythagoras: "I don't get it. What are we supposed to do?"
Thales: "Like what about this, what if everything was actually composed of water?"
Pythagoras: "What, like...everything?"

Thales: "Yes, everything! Because water can take other forms."
Pythagoras: "Yeah but...even music?"
Thales: "Look, I just invented philosophy this morning, so lay off, okay? There are no bad ideas."

Heraclitus: "Ohh, I think I'm starting to get it. Like, what if everything was really composed of...fire. "
Thales: "Good, Heraclitus, and why is that?"

Heraclitus: "Because fire... can take other forms."
Democritus: "I get it, what if everything was composed of very small things?"

Heraclitus: "Is it because very small things can be arranged in other forms, Democritus?"
Democritus: "Exactly. Man, philosophy is easy."

Thales: "Alright guys, you can't just say â€œeverything is composed of...â€ and then name the first thing that comes to mind. There is more to philosophy than that."

Pythagoras: "What if everything is composed of...numbers!"
Democritus: "Whoa, trippy!"
Heraclitus: "Good one Pythagoras."

Thales, angrily: "Alright, that's it, you've ruined it. No more philosophy. Philosophy is stupid and i regret inventing it. "

"What if everything is composed of regret?"

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/362

Thales Picks Water

Thales: "All things are from a single substance. All creation flows out of this substance, the multiplicity that you see are merely the various forms of this one substance."

Student: "So what is the substance that forms all other substances."
Thales: "Water."
Student: "Yes, but why water?"

Thales: "Well, you see if heat water up, it changes into air. If you cool it down it solidifies into ice. Water is clearly capable of changing forms."

Thales: "So uh...following that same logic...uh...under different circumstance it could probably change into a horse or whatever. Plus, most things are like...pretty wet when you think about it."

Student: "Yeah but....how does it change into a horse?!?"

Thales: "Look, you just don't get it. Water can be lots of things okay? Why couldn't it be a horse?"

Thales: "In fact, one time i saw water change into a goose."

Descriptions: students start to leave the lecture.

Thales, yelling: "Whatever, screw you guys, it's not like anyone else has any better ideas about the ultimate nature of reality!"

Thales, after looking around and seeing how many things aren't water: "god damnit."

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/328

A Brief History of Metaphysics

Also...everything is facts.

Also...everything is facts.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/250

Thales Invents Philosophy

And yes, to answer your question, regrets are made out of water.

And yes, to answer your question, regrets are made out of water.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/216

A Presocratic Get Together

But actually Pythagoras was wrong, the perfect joke is made of water because everything is water.

But actually Pythagoras was wrong, the perfect joke is made of water because everything is water.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/181

Jury Selection

If you've noticed any characters appearing and disappearing, it isn't because the artist is lazy, it is because an evil demon is deceiving you.

If you've noticed any characters appearing and disappearing, it isn't because the artist is lazy, it is because an evil demon is deceiving you.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/155

Ancient Greek Office

They all laughed, but Thales's bottled water company went on to become a billion dollar empire.

They all laughed, but Thales's bottled water company went on to become a billion dollar empire.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/129

Hypatia of Alexandria and the Seven Presocratics

Later on, Socrates forgot that he poisoned the apple, and ate it himself. Plato had to make up this whole story about an apology, because it was just too embarrassing.

Later on, Socrates forgot that he poisoned the apple, and ate it himself. Plato had to make up this whole story about an apology, because it was just too embarrassing.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/95

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