Zeno of Elea - Existential Comics

A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Presocratic Staff Meeting

"It's just a word. Don't you know anything about language? The sounds are arbitrary"

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/397

Philosophy at the Olympics

Announcer: "Welcome back to the Olympic games, our next event: philosophy."

Announcer: "First up, Thales. He had a poor showing last Olympics with his â€œeveryone is made of dirtâ€ theory. Let's see if he can do better today. "

Thales: "Everything is made of...water."

Announcer: "Alright, let's go to the judges. Not a bad score, surprisingly."
Description: Scores show: 8.1, 9.2, 8.8

Announcer: "Next up is Zeno of Elea. Let's see what he has to say."

Zeno: "If Achilles had to catch up to a tortoise in a race he'd first have to reach the spot the tortoise was at."

Zeno: "But the tortoise will have moved, so then he'd have to reach that spot next, but it will have moved again, thus he could never catch up with it. Motion is impossible."

Announcer: "A bit similar to his â€œan arrow would have to go halfwayâ€ thought experiment from last Olympics, or his â€œAchilles has to catch a snailâ€ from the year before. Looks like the judges agree."
Description: Scores show: 7.2, 8.0, 7.6

Announcer: "Okay, here comes Socrates, let's see if he can follow up on his Gold Medal performance at the last games."

Socrates: "Everything all these guys just said is total bullshit."

Announcer: "And the crowd goes wild!"

Announcer: "A perfect score, he really is the wisest man in Athens, and it's not even close!"

Announcer: "Socrates wins gold yet again."

Socrates, standing on the podium: "Yes! Socrates rules!"

"But what really does it mean to be the best? It fuckin' rules, that's what it means."

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/388

Zeno and Zeno: the case of the milk

The fridge is empty because they live the ascetic life of virtue, not because it takes longer to draw stuff in there.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/142

Ancient Greek Office

They all laughed, but Thales's bottled water company went on to become a billion dollar empire.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/129

CSI: Athens

But there is nothing in the Stoic doctrine that says you can't celebrate when that over-popular jackass got what was coming to him, so Zeno of Citium partied hard that night.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/118

Hypatia of Alexandria and the Seven Presocratics

Later on, Socrates forgot that he poisoned the apple, and ate it himself. Plato had to make up this whole story about an apology, because it was just too embarrassing.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/95

Zeno and Zeno

Later on Zeno of Citium, in accordance with Universal Reason, ate all of Zeno of Elea's leftovers, because Zeno of Elea doesn't deserve them after the mess he left. I mean come on.

Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/50