A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Socrates Invents Western Civilization

Plato: "Hey Socrates,what are you doing?"
Socrates: "Oh...not much, Plato, just
laying down the foundations
of Western Civilization for the
next few thousand years."

Plato: "Oh, cool, can I take a look?"
Socrates: "Of course."
Description: It is just a piece of paper that says "everyone is an idiot"

Plato: "That's your entire idea?"
Socrates: "No, uh...I have other ideas too."

Socrates: "See? Here's the good part."
Description: it now says "everyone is an idiot except for Socrates."

Plato: "Socrates, this isn't anything. No one is going to read this."
Socrates: "You just don't get it!"

Socrates, throwing away the paper: "In fact, i just decided that my ideas can't be written down. It's more about having discussions."

Plato: "So what does that mean?"

Socrates, storming out the door: "It means I have to go tell everyone that they are idiots to their face. That's REAL philosophy!"

Plato: "Somehow I get the feeling that this isn't going to end well...."
"Oh and also, if you ever write any of this down, Plato, make sure to record how much I like gay sex."

Plato Produces a Play

Description: Odysseus is tied to the mast of his boat, on stage in a play.

Odysseus: "They sang these words most musically, and as i longed to hear them further i made by frowning to my men that they should set me free; but they quickened their stroke"
Plato, in the audience: "Booooo!"

Odysseus: "Immediately after we had got past the island i saw a great wave from which spray was rising, and i heard a loud roaring sound."
Plato: "Boooo! Fake! This is all fake!"

Plato, getting on stage and picking up a prop wave: "This isn't even a real wave!"
Homer: "Plato, get off the stage!"
Plato: "Look, it is just wood with paint, the poets are deceiving you!"

Plato: "Not only that, but they are making you admire wicked characters, you should only admire men of moral virtue!"

Homer: "I'd like to see you make a better play, Plato!"
Plato: "I will, Homer! And i will do so by teaching truth and virtue, not lies and immoral teachings!"

Homer: "Fine, go ahead and try!"
Plate: "Fine, i will! And it will be way better than your stupid plays!"
Later, Plato on stage: "Act One: geometry."

Plato: "How to construct an equilateral triangle on a given finite straight-line."

Plato, pointing to a geometry diagram: "Let AB be the given finite straight line. Let the circle BCD with center A and radius AB have been drawn"

Person in audience: "Hey, this isn't a play, it is a lecture!"
Plato: "Thank you, but i actually consider it more of a dialogue where we work together towards the truth, so questions are encouraged."

Person in audience: "Okay, i have a question, why would anyone pay to see this?"
Plato: "What is better than learning the truth?"
Person, as the audience is leaving: "Let's get out of here."

Plato, looking at a long line for Homer's play, and no line for his: "Dang, Homer is killing me in popularity, why does no one want to see my play?"

Plato: "Hmm, it might be time for a 'noble lie' to get people to watch..."

Plato, standing in front of a poster with an attractive man and woman doting on him, which reads: "learn Plato's philosophical secrets to make both men and women find you irresistible. He knows his platonic forms, do you?"

Plato: "I'm calling it 'advertising'."
"In the ideal city there would be no poets. Why? Because if people won't go to my show than they won't get to go to anyone's! I'm the philosopher king and I make the rules."

A Brief History of Metaphysics

Also...everything is facts.

Plato and the Poets

"Wait, are you accusing the Poets of corrupting the youth? I thought you were in favor of that?" "That was when I was young. Now that I'm a cranky old man I think the youth should obey the wisdom of their elders. Namely me."

Escape from Plato's Cave

Look, all I'm saying is that Plato could have jazzed it up a bit.

Socrates 101

"A bad teacher you say? Well, it sure seems like you know a lot about 'badness'. I agree, you do know about that one, because you are a bad student."

Diogenes and Plato

By the way, if you are being bullied in school, the advice you will often get from your parents and teachers is to ignore them and they will stop. This is bad advice. Trust me, if you bite them, that will be the end of it.

Captain Metaphysics and the Problem of Language

Yes, all problems of philosophy are problems of language, but it turns out that all problems of language are problems of punching, so...

Captain Metaphysics and the Postmodern Peril

Strawman Derrida defeated again!

Stoic School Athletics

Although I bet even the Stoics would be pretty pissed off if they blew a 28-3 lead in the Superbowl.

Captain Metaphysics and the Extreme Skeptic

Philosophical ideas that can be refuted by punching: 1. Moral Nihilism 2. Moral Relativism 3. Scepticism about the outside world 4. Scepticism about causation 5. Denial of qualia 6. That violence never accomplishes anything

Ancient Greek Office

They all laughed, but Thales's bottled water company went on to become a billion dollar empire.

Rebel Without a Constant Conjunction

"Hey Dad, I need some advice on dealing with some trouble I'm in with the Transcendental Idealists." "Son, how many times have I told you not to hang around Transcendental Idealists? Why don't you hang out with that nice Empiricist boy from the church?" "Berkeley? He is such a loser!"

Captain Metaphysics and the Ship of Theseus

You face is suddenly looking a lot like a problem of Metaphysics, Kant.

Captain Metaphysics and the Wizard of Elea

Plus, everyone knows it's a stupid thought experiment anyway.

Captain Metaphysics and the Mereological Monster

Although when you think about it, it's probably still a monad

Greek Hold'em

I gave them name tags because all Greek philosophers look alike. I don't mean that in a racist way...I mean it in a prejudice-against-philosophers way.

Captain Metaphysics and the Ghost in the Machine

It's one of the best kept secrets in philosophy departments that most, if not all, metaphysical problems can be solved by punching stuff really hard.

The Philosopher King

It turns out that Plato's noble lie was that philosophers would make good kings
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