Philosophy News Network: Science Solves Philosophy
![[description]: Simone de Beauvoir at news desk.
Simone de Beauvoir: "Tonight on Philosophy News Network: has science made philosophy obsolete?"
news ticker: " Leibniz admits this isn't the best of all possible worlds after spending five minutes on twitter"
Simone de Beauvoir: "We talk with one scientist who claims that we no longer need philosophy, as science can now answer all questions. Mary Midgley, your report."
news ticker: " Pyrrho on winning the Nobel Prize for Philosophy: “i really can't believe itâ€"
Mary Midgley: "So you've created a machine that can answer any philosophical question? "
Scientist: "That's right, we used Science to create it."
Mary Midgley: "Well, that sounds more like engineering, but let's give it a shot"
Mary Midgley: "Is it moral to steal in order to feed your starving family?"
Machine: "YES"
Mary Midgley: "Does God exist?"
Machine: "NO"
Mary Midgley: "If you replace every part of a ship with new parts, is it still the same ship?"
Machine: "NO"
Mary Midgley: "Does time flow from past to future, or do things exist eternally all at once?"
Machine: "The second one"](http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PhilosophyNewsNetworkScience1.png)
![Voice from inside the machine: " how much longer, it's hot in here..."
Mary Midgley: "What was that?"
Scientist: "What was what?"
Mary Midgley: "That noise."
Scientist: "I didn't hear anything."
Mary Midgley: "It sounded like someone is in there."
Scientist: "No, that's just the... ...science atoms working."
[description]: machine bursts open and a man falls out.
Scientist: "Sure, okay, yes. It is just a guy in a box. But he is a scientist! Isn't it true that when philosophers try to answer questions that aren't empirical they are just speculating, but when scientists do the exact same thing they're grounding the answers in science?"
Person who fell out of the machine: "No, that's not true."
Scientist: "Oh shut up, Steve!"
Mary Midgley: "Back to you, de Beauvoir."
news ticker: " Heideigger says that when writing Being and Time, he always secretly thought of Dasein as gay."
Simone de Beauvoir: "Thanks Migdley. It looks like scientists, much like everyone else on Earth, shouldn't comment as though they are experts on things they don't know anything about. Make sure to join us next week where we answer the question on all of our minds: “should we all just kill ourselves immediately, or what?â€"
news ticker: " Jean-paul Sartre admits he mostly invented existentialism to look cool in front of girls"](http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/PhilosophyNewsNetworkScience2.png "Philosophy is pointless because my philosophical opinions are correct.")
Philosophy is pointless because my philosophical opinions are correct.
Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/294
Permanent Link to this Comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/294
