A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

2196

The Secret History of Philosophy

heading: "heraclitus discovers changeless change"
Heraclitus: "So you see, i can never step into the same river twice."
Woman: "Why is that?"

Heraclitus: "Because the first time something brushed against my leg, and it totally freaked me out."

Woman: "Oh. I thought you might have meant because the river is always changing."
Heraclitus: "You know what... let's go with that."

heading: "descartes doubts everything"
Descartes: "I believe there are some men out there."
Little girl: "Why?"
Descartes: "Well, i can see them with my eyes."
Little girl: "Why?"
Descartes: "Because i trust my senses."
Little girl:  "Why?"
Descartes: "Because i don't think i'm being deceived."
Little girl: "Why?"
Descartes: "Well, because...hmm..."

heading: "Hume isn't so sure about inductive reasoning"
Woman: "I just really don't think i can trust you in a relationship."
Hume: "What, why not?"
Woman: "Um...because you've cheated on every girlfriend you've ever had."
Hume: "Right, but consider this..."
heading: "Nietzsche pronounces the death of God"
Woman: "Look, i told you Nietzsche, i'm not going to go out with you."
Nietzsche: "Okay...but what if i become a once in a generation philosopher who redefines how we live meaningful lives?"

Woman: "Fine, whatever, i guess."
Nietzsche: "Yes! I'll be back in ten years or so."

heading: "Hegel discovers dialectical thinking"
Hegel: "Alright, that about wraps it up."

Hegel: "Hmm...this only took like five pages to explain."

Hegel: "I better pad it out a little..."

Heading: "Nozick invents libertarianism"
Rich person: "So we'll pay you if you can philosophically justify the enormous wealth disparity under free market capialism."

Nozick: "Isn't it immoral to take bribes to create philosphical systems?"
Rich person: "I mean...not if you succeed in creating a philosophical system that justifies it..."
Nozick: "Nice."
Nozick: "so as you can see, the minimum wage is oppressive because it prevents people from making free decisions, like freely choosing between working for starvation wages or literally starving."

Heraclitus thought everything was in an endless state of change, so we could never 'step into the same river twice'.

Descartes tried to methodically doubt everything, much like children do when they ask an endless stream of 'whys'.

Hume doubted that inductive reasoning was strictly rational, so even if someone had past behavior such as cheating, there was no 'rational' reason to use that to predict future events.

Nietzsche was a loser.

Hegel was long winded.

Nozick's entire philosophical project was justifying extreme wealth disparity as having arisen from 'free' decisions.

Heraclitus thought everything was in an endless state of change, so we could never 'step into the same river twice'.

Descartes tried to methodically doubt everything, much like children do when they ask an endless stream of 'whys'.

Hume doubted that inductive reasoning was strictly rational, so even if someone had past behavior such as cheating, there was no 'rational' reason to use that to predict future events.

Nietzsche was a loser.

Hegel was long winded.

Nozick's entire philosophical project was justifying extreme wealth disparity as having arisen from 'free' decisions.

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